After 2 years of acknowledging my illness and a year and a half of writing about it I have become stuck. I’ve shared my story, I have been very open about my treatment and struggle and I have tried to speak out. I recently had to face just how difficult breaking the stigma of mental illness can be. That realization is frustrating and discouraging.
Disclaimer: Very long post
Some times I don’t think People really understand what it’s like to have a mental illness. Why would they? It’s complicated. When someone has an illness you can see or an illness that is talked about more, they because easier to understand. When someone we care about has a cold or the flu, we worry about him or her. Family will make sure they have soup or tea or medication or that they are drinking enough. Even people you don’t see or talk to often will ask you how you are feeling and tell you its okay to miss something if you have to.
I know I haven’t written in a long time. Part of that is because life happened and Part of that is because I didn’t feel like I had anything important to share at the time. But this weekend everything caught up with me from the past few months and it really struck a chord.
It’s no secret that for years I have struggled with severe depression and major anxiety and panic disorder among other things (don’t get me started on my headaches and how much that can mess up my psych treatment). For years I kept quiet about this. I felt ashamed.
So I have been trying to write recently but I have had a writer’s block. I feel like it use to be so easy to get random inspiration, sit down with my computer and Bam! new blog post. But lately I don’t know what to write. I’ve been dealing with some med changes and it seemed like every time I sat down to write I would get mad about the topic and end up writing a rant that I can’t post. I don’t like posting rants because I feel like that is not what this blog forum is for. I started this blog to share my journey of what it is like to be a service dog handler in today’s society. Looking back I have shared funny stories of ridiculous encounters, I have shared personal stories of my struggles and I have helped to inform others about Mental Health and Service Dogs. The only thing is, recently, I feel like I have less stories to share. I don’t run in to crazies as much as I use to or so I feel. Then I got to thinking about it, have other people really gotten better or have I changed?