It’s August and as most of my followers know, August is never a good month for me. I’ve debated what to write for a few days now. Do I write the nitty-gritty and personal so people see what it’s like, or do I sugar coat it so people don’t get upset reading it? I’ve decided to do a mix of both. I want to write a quick disclaimer first, I am working closely with my medical team and family so I am safe. I don’t want anyone to read this and worry about my safety. Secondly I will be talking about suicide so this is a trigger warning to some of my friends. And Third, per usual, I am not looking for sympathy, I am hoping to help others reach understanding. So here it goes.
Disclaimer: none of these photos have anything to do with this topic. It is just serious so I am breaking it up with cute photos of my dogs. Also, I am not saying all doctors or emergency personal are bad, I actually have many that I really like, I am just pointing out a flaw in the system when it comes to the treatment of some illnesses.
A few weeks ago, I posted Part one of discrimination and now it is time for the second part. I’ve already discussed the general types of discrimination service dog handlers face but this next part is more towards mental illnesses or other invisible illnesses and the discrimination we face in the healthcare system. When I first started this article, I felt wronged by the treatment I receive when I have medical emergencies. But I am starting to realize I am not alone.
After 2 years of acknowledging my illness and a year and a half of writing about it I have become stuck. I’ve shared my story, I have been very open about my treatment and struggle and I have tried to speak out. I recently had to face just how difficult breaking the stigma of mental illness can be. That realization is frustrating and discouraging.
Disclaimer: Very long post
Some times I don’t think People really understand what it’s like to have a mental illness. Why would they? It’s complicated. When someone has an illness you can see or an illness that is talked about more, they because easier to understand. When someone we care about has a cold or the flu, we worry about him or her. Family will make sure they have soup or tea or medication or that they are drinking enough. Even people you don’t see or talk to often will ask you how you are feeling and tell you its okay to miss something if you have to.
I know I haven’t written in a long time. Part of that is because life happened and Part of that is because I didn’t feel like I had anything important to share at the time. But this weekend everything caught up with me from the past few months and it really struck a chord.
It’s no secret that for years I have struggled with severe depression and major anxiety and panic disorder among other things (don’t get me started on my headaches and how much that can mess up my psych treatment). For years I kept quiet about this. I felt ashamed.
Today I had my first “at home” productive day in probably 2 months. Which is why I finally feel I can write again. Since my last post I have tried finding inspiration and time but I would come up with writer’s block or be too tired to write. The thing is, between general life and life with a mental illness, I kind of got off track. I have tried writing thousands of times to explain the radio silence and could not do it. I literally have 22.5 started posts in a file on my computer. But finally, here is my explanation and what is going on. Hopefully after getting this out and getting through this I will be able to get back to writing the things people are interested in on this blog, after all I have 22 blog topics started, Ha!
Disclaimer, this was supposed to have been posted last week. Rather then rewrite it, I will just be posting it as is.
(Friday August 22) This morning I am sitting here relaxing and enjoying my day off, Bella is curled up next to me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write when I sat down, I have a lot of topics in mind but I just can’t decide what to post. Here’s why
Disclaimer, this series of post will focus on my opinion, my fight and me. For me this takes a lot of courage, I might face fall out or bashing but I know the support I will receive and the information i can give to others will help make it worth it. Please read with an open mind and leave your judgy pants at the blog post door.
Last August, my life spiraled out of control. In July I made the decision to go off of my depression medication. I convinced my doctor, my family and myself that I only needed them to get through the stress of college. I knew it was a lie. I told it anyway, I said all the right things to get the okay to go off them. You are probably wondering why and it is simple. I was under the impression that needing medication for my depression made me weak. Society may not realize it, or maybe it does, but it is constantly belittling Mental Illnesses. Many people will say things like “Just think positive” or “I get sad some times too and I don’t need meds” or “are you doing this for attention because there are better ways.” All of these comments and more lead many MI sufferers to go off medication.
THIS IS A BAD IDEA.