Okay so that title might be a little exaggerated but I had to say it. This morning I woke up to my 15 minutes of fame and honestly I am hoping to use it. For those of you who don’t know, a photo that was taken at my wedding January 9th went viral.
It is that time of year that everyone is setting their new years resolutions and every year I say “oh I should come up with one” but let’s be honest, a lot of them take up a lot of time. Last year I said I was going to Blog more and work out more and, well, that didn’t happen. If you are anything like me, I lack the motivation to make time to work out everyday and I like certain foods way too much to diet. I want to clarify by saying I greatly admire those who make big life changing new years goals and actually follow through. But this year I found one that I actually want to follow through on. I want to start saying I am sorry less.
As my wedding nears (11 days), my mood swings and panic have been all over the place. I wanted to share this because of two things, first it’s a lot different then the normal bride panic and anxiety but also because it helped me to realize that not every panic attack or little anxiety is caused by my disorder.
Disclaimer: the photos have nothing to do with this story, its just to lighten things up. Also this is a long two part post.
any way! For the longest time I have been working on this piece. It’s about discrimination against people with disabilities. I have struggled with writing this piece because there are so many aspects of discrimination I couldn’t narrow it down. But after the last few months I’ve had? I figured it out.
This is going to probably be the last blog post I am posting on my personal FB page. I have thought a lot about this but do not worry; I am still planning on blogging and sharing my story. The thing is, I am looking for jobs and I also realized not everyone on my friends list likes to see all my posts. The other thing is, by sharing it on my personal page, I sometimes find myself censoring what I say because I feel like I can’t be totally honest.
Disclaimer: Very long post
Some times I don’t think People really understand what it’s like to have a mental illness. Why would they? It’s complicated. When someone has an illness you can see or an illness that is talked about more, they because easier to understand. When someone we care about has a cold or the flu, we worry about him or her. Family will make sure they have soup or tea or medication or that they are drinking enough. Even people you don’t see or talk to often will ask you how you are feeling and tell you its okay to miss something if you have to.
I know I haven’t written in a long time. Part of that is because life happened and Part of that is because I didn’t feel like I had anything important to share at the time. But this weekend everything caught up with me from the past few months and it really struck a chord.
It’s no secret that for years I have struggled with severe depression and major anxiety and panic disorder among other things (don’t get me started on my headaches and how much that can mess up my psych treatment). For years I kept quiet about this. I felt ashamed.
This past week I have had two people remind me that I haven’t posted in a while. I thought about it and I can come up with a lot of excuses. My summer has been busy with work (photo shoots for the 2015 catalog), Family (I have a new baby nephew and family visits), social life (ha yeah when I can have one) and the general life of an adult. On top of that I have been sick and so has Bella. I can list off a number of excuses but at the end of the day it comes down to one, I am censoring myself.
Lately I have been trying how to best approach this topic, and I think I just need to jump into it. Manners. To the average person we would like to think that most people have manners but for some reason when a dog enters a room all manners get thrown out of the window. Quite frankly, it is offensive and trying at times. I started this topic with Part 1 that goes in to detail some of the reactions I get, but now I would like to break some of those down and explain why it hurts to hear.
Okay leading up to my manners post I would like to post some of my favorite most ridiculous reactions and questions to Bella. Some of these you will have heard before and others will be new, I hope that you enjoy them as much as I did, because some days, the best way to get by is to laugh at the ridiculousness of those around me.